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Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Instant sisters...just add birth and mix

It has been quiet here, in my blog but I would like to pose this question to the lovely human beings who read here. I would love to hear your responses.

I have been thinking quietly about the profound loss of so many things in our femininity, our connections to other women mainly, mirroring our connections to the devine feminine. I think of how as women we have so few things that link us together and how we can be so suspicious of each others motivations. It is difficult to trust one another at times because we have been so wounded by our culture (wether it is family culture or the culture that surrounds it)

I see it everyday, this guarding and unguarding that we do...the subtle dance of friendship, the subtle rules and rule breaking. Alliances forming, cliques forming then breaking apart.

It is interesting and painful to be a part of. We are such strong women at MLL, you can imagine how things could get difficult in such an intimate space with so much brillance and insecurity at the same time.

I have had some recent interactions with a fellow student that have brought me to place where I wondered if I had grown up, or if I was still stuck in the trauma of being an adolescent girl. It brough me to a time in my life where being "in" was so much more important than being myself. It was/is not pleasant reliving that.

I am in the constant process of healing and moving through painful things, like the birth learning process, the social process learning curve is just as steep here.

I haven't had sisters, I grew up with 5 older brothers. I have instant sisters now, for good or bad. Someone help me understand this whole thing. I am at a bit of a loss right now on how to move through it.

I am serious, share with me your understandings on how this all works...I should have the answers but I don't.

It is a silly plea I know....HELP!


Navelgazing Midwife said...

I don't think it's silly at all because it's a part of your experience... and a profound part at that. You are in the midst of so much chick energy - from the midwives, the students, the women themselves - be graceful in the estrogen, Sunshine! It's okay.

It is weird, the push and pull that girls do with each other (and I say "girls" purposefully). I believe that humans do it in general, but you are in a microcosm of a matriarchal society right now, so what you see and feel is going to be amplified many-fold.

I remember being at Casa and thinking it had to be on some ancient burial ground because I acted so differently than my normal self there... I found myself gossiping, acting snippety, being childishly possessive of friends and things... it was the oddest experience! And no matter how I mentally prepared myself before going (I went back and forth for more than a year once), I still found myself acting like a child before a week was out. I hated it! I reverted back to normal within a day of leaving (thank the Goddess!) and I never quite knew how to explain it except the way I am explaining it to you and the way I have explained it to the others that have traveled the same road.

Women are protective of their mates (generally) and the behavior sustains that (an anthropology class experience). Bring women close, but only *so* close. If they get *too* close, then they have to be pushed away. It isn't a conscious thing (necessarily), but an animal thing that protects their ability to know who the father of their children are going to be. If the woman is around too much, the man might have sex with her... see how that might pose a problem in a tribe?

You are in a tribe setting and while there aren't many men in the area, the smells and feelins surely have to be pretty native to your pheremones and instincts, yes?

Instead of worrying and thinking you are immature and childish, I'd encourage you to think you are evolved and protective of your loins and young'un's. Go with it... be friendly, love who you are with... and be gentle with yourself as the wind blows the friendship around the Universe. Your feet are sure to find the ground again - and won't always be so sandy. :) Much love!

Sunshine said...

Thank you for that wisdom, it is very helpful. I have never thought of it that way, that it was an instinctual thing to hold your sisters close, but to keep them at a distance as much to think about!
In gratitude,

Anonymous said...

Eh. I have a sister. But being four and a half years apart, we were never on the same horomone cycle with each other...

When I was 10, I started puberty, and my sister was 6. All she wanted was to be affectionate with me and all i wanted was to be alone and moody and dramatic. Then when my horomones settled, SHE started puberty and the roles switched.

Now that's she's settling down, our mom's horomones have started up again, which leaves the two of us running from her on occasion.

So from this very limited and subjective experience, I say if you're in a room with women of different ages, in their different horomonal cycles, then you're going to face their emotional reactions to those, and react with your own emotions.

Natural. It's all natural. And kind of annoying, too. :)

Anonymous said...

i just heard this from a woman nmd: women should naturally ovulate on the full moon and menstrate on the new moon....when we are out of synch we get cranky...when we are living with a group of women and we are out of synch its that much more intense. the group will follow the alpha female and if she is out of synch...oh well. to get in synch, take flax seed the first half of the cycle and evening primrose the other half. you can adjust your cycle by taking the flax from day 1-16 and starting epo day 17 til menstruation and keep going like that lengthening it a couple of days until your ovulation and menses fall into line. I'm going to try this beginning next month (right now I'm ovulating mid moon cycle)and since I live with a community of women we shall see...maybe taking things into my own hands makes me the alpha female! Anyone else ever hear of this?

Sunshine said...

Hmmm...but who is the alpha female? If it is the owner, she is no longer cycling and is present but not always around us to influence our cycles.

It is interesting; however my class gets along wonderfully and it is just one student who I am having trouble with.

I should feel fortunate for that. We mix rather well!

emjaybee said...

Hmm. I'm not terribly friendly with most women--unless I can be of help to them. It's not something I set out to do, but regular friendships with women have always been hard for me. I think I was on the rough end of clique politics too much as a girl, plus I never liked the price of being a, girl clothes. So I feel very alienated from other women in that way.

If you stuck me in an all female setup, I'm a little nervous as to what would happen...I'm inclined to believe they'd all be pissed at me by the end of the day because I wasn't acting "girly" enough...

And I'm agnostic, so I wouldn't be much use in talking about divine feminines.