This was a birth that I assisted at.
A first time momma, very young, comes in with ruptured membranes, light contractions. She had care with an OB throughout her pregnancy, had only been to two appointments with us.
It was a beautiful day so she walked around a bit to get things going, through the hallway, into the back courtyard. She walked in slow circles for an hour or so and then went back to her room.
She listens from her room and hears another woman birthing. I was told that she became a bit afraid, a bit desperate all of a sudden, to have this over with quickly. She labors for another hour in her room. I am not privvy to what is unfolding with her after that point.
I am sitting at the back table, listening to a beautiful song with tears in my eyes, it was my 1st shift back after my fathers death.
Birth team is called (the sign that she is probably pushing and help is needed) Staff and I go into the room to find her standing, very disoriented and very frightened, the baby is crowning, the other student trying to make sure the baby is born safely. We move her to hands and knees onto the bed.
The baby is born wailing, wrapped up and passed between her legs. She just stares at the baby in disbelief . She asked what just happened. "Your baby was born" Her baby is scooped up lovingly after a long minute and welcomed with tears.
A birth like that for a momma can be like plummeting down a roller coaster ride. It takes a while to not feel dizzy and disoriented about the surroundings.
I think that is what pushing is all about, the threshold crossing. When a woman doesn't feel like she pushed, when the baby rockets out, she might feel psychologically spacy, like someone just pushed the fast forward button on her live and skipped a big scene.
My third baby was like that so I know, I had the same reaction that this woman had..."what just happened?"
Another exceptionally ordinary birth...
Friday, May 11, 2007
Exceptionally Ordinary Birth
Every day that I step into the clinic I wonder what birth lies around the corner, what unveiling of the inner most sanctum of a woman's world will I be priviledged to experience.
Most doulas and new students who have experienced hospital births revel in the birth that shows the primal. The woman squattting, the woman shrieking, the woman pushing her baby out on hands and knees. Birth without interference. Birth without the intellectualization.
At MLL I have seen lots of those births when the woman follows the natural flow of her body. Over and over that is what I see. There are a lot of fast births at the clinic. Fast fast fast.
My last shift a woman came in with contractions spaced about every 5 minutes apart that had begun an hour prior, I was the only one to do the labor check. The clinic was a bit busy (understatement) and so I went through the normal set of questions to see what was happening with this womans contraction pattern. This beautiful woman smiled and answered my questions. The only way that I knew she was contracting was that she would take a deep breath at what seemed like the peak of her surges. She was incredibly serene in the midst of what seemed to be intense laboring. About 5 minutes in, after listening to heart tones, I saw a thin sheen of sweat on her forehead and felt her back. She was working hard and the temperature of her skin gave it away.
I checked the front of her chart for any pertinent info (that is where we document if a woman wants a water birth, if she is RH-, etc..) HISTORY OF FAST LABORS written in bold lettering. Ok, well still need to do the intake process.
I felt like I was bothering her a bit with all of the questions required for this process, so I took a minute out to observe really what was going on.
In that minute she stated "ay, I feel something below" her voice became elevated and her smile was gone from her face. She wanted to push.
Ok, time to get to a room.
She walked, rather gingerly, head held high, smile on her face to one of our birth rooms. I called for staff and this woman lay down, was checked for completeness (per protocol) and pushed her baby out into the world. The baby had a nuchal hand, a nuchal cord weighed 8lbs 12 oz and it came gently into my hands despite all of this.
This all occured in the clinic without anyone knowing what was going on besides me, the staff midwife and another student assisting.
And this is not the 1st time this has happened to me, usually I am awoken at 2am, barely have time to put on gloves, and at 2:15 am have slippery beings glide right into my hands.
It is incredbily, quite ordinary.
Sometimes I feel it is a bit dangerous to post stories like this, even though our culture needs to hear more of them. Most of us don't have births like these.
I know, lots of questions, lots of things to ponder. What makes it so easy for this to unfold over and over and over again?
Trust? Faith? A fit body?
And then judgement that we have for ourselves if our birth is not like this, if our birth doesn't unfold so easily, if we are not smiling during contractions.
What key does this woman carry to unlock herself so easily?
Most doulas and new students who have experienced hospital births revel in the birth that shows the primal. The woman squattting, the woman shrieking, the woman pushing her baby out on hands and knees. Birth without interference. Birth without the intellectualization.
At MLL I have seen lots of those births when the woman follows the natural flow of her body. Over and over that is what I see. There are a lot of fast births at the clinic. Fast fast fast.
My last shift a woman came in with contractions spaced about every 5 minutes apart that had begun an hour prior, I was the only one to do the labor check. The clinic was a bit busy (understatement) and so I went through the normal set of questions to see what was happening with this womans contraction pattern. This beautiful woman smiled and answered my questions. The only way that I knew she was contracting was that she would take a deep breath at what seemed like the peak of her surges. She was incredibly serene in the midst of what seemed to be intense laboring. About 5 minutes in, after listening to heart tones, I saw a thin sheen of sweat on her forehead and felt her back. She was working hard and the temperature of her skin gave it away.
I checked the front of her chart for any pertinent info (that is where we document if a woman wants a water birth, if she is RH-, etc..) HISTORY OF FAST LABORS written in bold lettering. Ok, well still need to do the intake process.
I felt like I was bothering her a bit with all of the questions required for this process, so I took a minute out to observe really what was going on.
In that minute she stated "ay, I feel something below" her voice became elevated and her smile was gone from her face. She wanted to push.
Ok, time to get to a room.
She walked, rather gingerly, head held high, smile on her face to one of our birth rooms. I called for staff and this woman lay down, was checked for completeness (per protocol) and pushed her baby out into the world. The baby had a nuchal hand, a nuchal cord weighed 8lbs 12 oz and it came gently into my hands despite all of this.
This all occured in the clinic without anyone knowing what was going on besides me, the staff midwife and another student assisting.
And this is not the 1st time this has happened to me, usually I am awoken at 2am, barely have time to put on gloves, and at 2:15 am have slippery beings glide right into my hands.
It is incredbily, quite ordinary.
Sometimes I feel it is a bit dangerous to post stories like this, even though our culture needs to hear more of them. Most of us don't have births like these.
I know, lots of questions, lots of things to ponder. What makes it so easy for this to unfold over and over and over again?
Trust? Faith? A fit body?
And then judgement that we have for ourselves if our birth is not like this, if our birth doesn't unfold so easily, if we are not smiling during contractions.
What key does this woman carry to unlock herself so easily?
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Descent
The intention of this blog was to write about birth and my experiences at MLL and it has gone beyond that to a deeply personal sharing of all that has unfolded.
I haven't posted about my experiences much lately at MLL, mostly because I have been in the metaphorical underworld.
The western world has a strange view of the underworld, a fiery place perhaps... but the underworld in myth is very different than that.
http://members.tripod.com/~ideomagi/library/inanna.html
There is an incredible story of Inannas decent that I tell in my Birthing From Within classes about a woman on a journey who decends to the underworld to give birth. It is a story of the stripping off of all of the images that we posses of who we are, it is a story about a deep journey into your shadow self, it is a story about crossing a threshold into another way of being.
Innanas decent is an ancient story of a journey with many facets and a journey that we take in our own lives as we transition into any new phase of life. It has a universal theme, mostly directed toward the female archetype.
So my journey into the underworld has been a long winding path and a stripping down to the bone of who I am. Some of it had to do with my fathers death but much of it has to do with the intense process that is MLL. For awhile, the process to becoming a midwife became too difficult to speak about. I was a bit stuck in politics, difficult births, difficult interactions, difficult self reflections, a heavy work load etc... to even begin to share lovely birth stories.
In short, I was in the underworld.
The story also speaks about ascent. After Inanna "gives birth", she begins her renewal and her journey back into the world. The original myth does'n't elaborate on that journey too much but that is where I am now.
It is May....In September I finish the clinical experience. And then what?
I haven't posted about my experiences much lately at MLL, mostly because I have been in the metaphorical underworld.
The western world has a strange view of the underworld, a fiery place perhaps... but the underworld in myth is very different than that.
http://members.tripod.com/~ideomagi/library/inanna.html
There is an incredible story of Inannas decent that I tell in my Birthing From Within classes about a woman on a journey who decends to the underworld to give birth. It is a story of the stripping off of all of the images that we posses of who we are, it is a story about a deep journey into your shadow self, it is a story about crossing a threshold into another way of being.
Innanas decent is an ancient story of a journey with many facets and a journey that we take in our own lives as we transition into any new phase of life. It has a universal theme, mostly directed toward the female archetype.
So my journey into the underworld has been a long winding path and a stripping down to the bone of who I am. Some of it had to do with my fathers death but much of it has to do with the intense process that is MLL. For awhile, the process to becoming a midwife became too difficult to speak about. I was a bit stuck in politics, difficult births, difficult interactions, difficult self reflections, a heavy work load etc... to even begin to share lovely birth stories.
In short, I was in the underworld.
The story also speaks about ascent. After Inanna "gives birth", she begins her renewal and her journey back into the world. The original myth does'n't elaborate on that journey too much but that is where I am now.
It is May....In September I finish the clinical experience. And then what?
Parting with the Ashes
Photos is of the flowers spread during my father's memorial service. The background is Lanai. It was a beautiful ceremony done with much ritual and song. I couldn't have asked for a more beautiful goodbye.
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